Ever have one of those days when everything you do seems determined to bring you down a few notches? That's been the type of day this one has been, and it's only 2:30 in the afternoon! I'm grateful to the incredible weekend that I just had as it's built me up enough to know that this too will pass. That I am more than any one piece of my parts, and that sometimes difficult conversations are needed to help you grow.
I'm one of those girls that will cry when she's upset - a trait that I've had to nurture over time as I was taught leaking water from your eyes was a heinous, despicable thing to do, especially in public. I've since come to embrace the tears - they are FAR healthier than the alternatives that pop up when you spend a lifetime holding them back. Still, I am reluctant to let the streams flow while in a professional role or environment.
Anyways, today's lesson has been one in humility. Getting a dose of the importance of separating out the person from the work and the reality of working for a cause far larger and greater than you ever can be as one person. There's a balance in this work - a line to walk between giving too much of your spirit to your path, making you vulnerable to critical remarks and leaving too much of your spirit out of the work, creating an emotionless robot that destroys the delicate work you are doing with insensitivity and routine. It's a balance I must continue to work on.
I received some feedback that I have an "edge" to me that turns people off. That I'm not easily accessible and that my image can damage the budding relationships we are creating. The feedback came from a trusted source who was a filter - an honest conversation after a rough conversation she had with someone last week. I admire this person greatly and appreciate her lens to view this feedback from. I admire the person who gave the feedback as well - though I'm left scratching my head as usually I'm told that I'm TOO open and TOO connected with the issue, or NOT formal enough. Honestly, it doesn't make much sense to me. But it is what it is, and any good facilitator must be able to adapt at the risk of alienating your audience. I am a professional and I can mold my presentation style to meet the needs of those needing to hear my message.
It's hard to believe in yourself as confidently as you had when you get this message. It's hard to trust you're doing it right at all. It's hard to keep from generalizing to other areas of your world where you've been less secure traditionally. But really? This is part of life. Accepting that you are an imperfect being and that you are going to have shortcomings, just like everyone else. That certain characteristics that are strengths in the eyes of many can be obstacles in the eyes of an important few. And that really? You are just another player in a puzzle MUCH larger than you.
It's humbling. It stings a little. Like a child running freely who falls on the pavement, scratching up her knee. Blood begins to flow as the first throbs of pain hit the body. Does she give up running outside? Hardly. She takes a minute to pick out the gravel and clean herself up, then heads back out into the world.
*hugs* love you!
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